The Butt-face of Facebook

"Once I was faced with the gloomy prospect of emptying my bowels in a dirty toilet in a dirty place. There were two cabinets before me; one which had a light but didn't have a door, one which had a door but didn't have a light. I didn't have any shame, thus is life."

-The Nut Swami, 2009.



The above-said has no relevance in this post.

What has relevance in this post however is the following list of characters, with whom I have had the honour and the humour to spend some time. This an pseudo-enactment of their typical reactions to a post in Facebook.



Characters:

Jollu: A hobbit with some issues, might remind some of Danny DeVito. Smart, very literary but watches too much anime.



Mavillekara Vallipan Pilla (AKA M.V.P.): Hobbit from sharjah. Sprang to attention when a girl compared him to teddy bear which was not so, below we see her pictorial description of him.



Michael Gomez (AKA Sec): Very academic but also very lame. Jollu's roomie, central part in this discussion. Recently got some jewellery on his face. The aforementioned girl said she would rather go out with M.V.P. rather than Sec. Ouch!



Tirunelvelli Andavan (AKA Andi): A huge dark leathery being inhabiting Jollu's and Sec's room. Not very smart. Hasn't mastered the skill of speaking yet. Will mostly be incoherent.



Nasty: An abysmally retarded individual. His heart's in the right place, but his brain is AWOL.



Ungle: Not the variety that give you expensive gifts. This is the old guy you'll find serving you in groceries and supermarkets. Very perverted.



Anyother character is an inside joke, but this whole post is an inside joke. But it's inside my mind.



The Picture that started it all:



Sec, M.V.P., and 1203 others are like this.

Sec: hw cm M.V.P. lyk ds photo...it duznt have ahem..ahem..

M.V.P. : Sec u kno abt ma research eyes na??

Me: Guys, it's a Ox, eating grass, leave it alone...

Ungle: apparently vineeth oly likes photos where a certain sum1 is present ....pretty fishy .....

Me: Oh yeah it has a butt on his head.

Mr D.P.S.: M.V.P. nee ingane kanunna ella phottoyum lyk cheyyathe..SECcinum oru chancu kodokku!

Sec: oye,itz ok Mr. D.P.S....let him LIKE every photo of ahem ahem....poor guy..jeevichu potte...

Me: Now I get it, butt-ox like in buttocks, ha ha ha!

Salalah Satheesh: Hey guys Oman was wrecked by a hurricane. Now we can blame our lousy economy on a natural disaster.

Me: Is the chips Oman factory safe??!

Andi: Call me ass.....
Salah Satheesh, Jollu and Sec like this

As you can see, facebook is full of numbskulls. A scarier thought would be the havoc these guys would wreck when they actually speak instead of type because you can always take back what you type. However, You can take back what you said as well if you use this ploy correctly, Tourette's syndrome. But that's not funny.
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This is sad. Very sad. But so is "Shutter Island", and we all learnt something from that movie. You might be schizophrenic but don't try getting help cause your psychiatrists will fuck with your mind and in the end you will accept death as a much better alternative.

P.S. This post is the culmination of 2 years of hard work, in other things like eating nachos and watching T.V. Apparently only Tom Brady and wine get better as time passes by. In the end I had to put these together before signing off forever because Blogging is gay. Scooters, fall and vacations were the tabs that are used as a example, so I will use them, fittingly because only one of my friends were gay enough to fall off his scooter during a vacation.
Also I am getting distracted by this auto-save thing, if only google was there when Hurricane Katrina struck the Chips Oman factory.......
Adios Muchachos....

Harry Potter is a Pedestrian and a Venereal Disease

Now don't get me wrong, I am not an illiterate. I have heard about the pre-pubescent wizarding wonder's success in changing a generation and his dominating cultural impact. Well done, but I think Harry Potter doesn't deserve the fan base and hero worship he seems to command today.
First of all, the Harry Potter series weren't good books at all, I mean the language was the type you'd expect from a person trying to play the stereotype Briton, it contained all the cliches and stupid, over worked pop culture references. The books strive on the general stupidity of the common adolescent, it appealed to a generation of kids brought up on processed foods and television. The books were built upon a tried and tested formula, similar to "bollywood masala", filled with actions and objectives that seem to convince the reader that he or she is special and what happened in the books were very much possible, they seemed to wish just for the time the movie played or the book lasted that they could ride away into the horizon with the villain dead and the heroine seated on the hero's bike or broomstick or whatever.
Harry Potter was far from brave or courageous or whatever everyone believed him to be, he was just one pissed-off, normal, everyday teenager. Bullies, relatives who don't care, talent at quidditich (read soccer), inert heroism and the immortality of a video game character, sounds familiar, yup a very well crafted attempt to make people relate and fall in love with a poor orphan boy, who is in fact, not poor in a magical world and has destiny's stubbornness on his side.
Aiding him let's not forget some very powerful figures who include the who's who of wizarding all with very "believable" stories that cry out,"I am flawless, and when I was wrong, I was doing it for greater good, you have to forgive me, Harry does.". It's sickening, it's wrong and it's lame that people believe this pathetic excuse for a book are as stupid the characters they carry around in their hearts. I mean I studied with some very stupid people in my life, but I am yet to see the kind of brain that will look at background like Snape's and not say,"That's bullshit, I am not buying it.". I mean everything in the book is so chocolate covered and wannabe. In fact I think, the only character in the book who I found believable and human was Voldemort, the guy has a legit story and is genuine. Life dealt him a shitty hand and he gave back one hell of a fight, he lived like a conqueror, refused to give up, grabbed life by the balls and died like a man. He had a shitty childhood, worse than the one Harry had, and instead of cribbing about it all day and being lame about it, he sought to seek and find his destiny and fight it back. I mean he didn't take it like a pedestrian, he drove himself to make his own destiny. Obviously at some point he was consumed by rage and frustration, and he probably didn't take bad news so well. But I find him much more human than the icon of stupidity Harry Potter. The only thing I find dumber than Harry and his "predicament" are his friends, the blonde red-head and the snot man-rabbit. The whole thing is just so predictable, retarded and sugar-coated. It's border-line nauseating, if you think I am a hater, watch the movie,"Requiem for a Dream", take a shot of tequila(you'll need it) and read the ending chapter of ,"Half-Blood Prince" again. It's a very fitting end that sums the objective of the books. The people who read these books and argue over stuff like which house the sorting hat would put them into and who practice or know spells should take a shot-gun to their mouths, in the general interest of literature and it's survival. A very good step towards redeeming yourself is to go back to hearing rap music and read ,"The Catcher in the Rye" by J.D. Salinger or any of mystery books written by Edgar Allan Poe.
I have purposely avoided bashing the man-rabbit known as Emma Watson to avoid my minuscule handful of readers running off to do That-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named, as for me I sit here rearranging my good christian name, Sunit Mathew to get "I am Nut Stew." Now if only I had an audience of bored, jobless people, hmmm I wonder..........

The Enigma that we are

Before we get going, I need to get somethings clear, this is my opinion, it's my opinion and I don't care if it offends others cause if they have their opinions, I'll respect it and understand that everyone's not the same, and I wish they'll do the same for me.
Also I have nothing against anyone but the way I feel is the way I feel and I think that it's far better to die having a few friends who care instead of hundreds who don't.
A few things about me, I studied in a variety of schools but the most recent were Sherwood Academy and Rajagiri Public School. Sherwood is a bad school unfortunately I went there, now don't get me wrong it's a very nice expensive more or less school, with amazing results and very disciplined approach to teaching. Due to a inherent nature in me to swim against the tide, I had a very rough 6 or so years there, finally passing out with a vocabulary that consisted mostly of four letter words, a bad attitude, some bad habits, and membership of a class of people who would go on to be wasters, mass murderers, assassins and generally Pakistanis.
However, since the C.B.S.E. were a bunch of lazy, bureaucratic and mediocre failures in life, I got a pretty good score in my boards. That day shocked me, I felt the same way George W. Bush felt during Hurricane Katrina, "I don't care, I don't care". So I cut my contact with these disturbing people and I moved on to start a new life in Kochi, landfill of the free, home of the graves; ah!
So that got over soon enough with some friends, some trophies, some marks, some academic shit, some movies, lot of forgotten names and blah blah blah........
Again my working goal towards being an abject failure in life didn't pan out too well, and I woke oneday to find myself being shipped out to one of British India's most finest cities, a glittering example of victorian architecture, the place where R. Tagore wrote his poems, where Devdas got high, the back alleys of which fund Pakistan's nuclear programme, Yes Calcutta, well not really but it's close cousin and still funder of Pakistan's nuclear programme Calicut!!!
That's when things started to go wrong, not chihuahua dominating horse wrong, not teen slasher movie wrong, not not the haircut you wanted wrong but "the scene in American Pie 2 where Jim glues himself to well himself and that awkward scenario with the handicapped lady in the wheel chair at the doctor's office" wrong, well, maybe I exaggerated let's stick with the bad haircut wrong.

Introduction

Many of you may not even know me, many of you may think you do.
But if you are one of the many donkeys following the tried and tested path of life, death and engineering, or studying in India and is frustrated by the mediocrity of it all, maybe you are not alone, maybe you are not crazy, maybe you are.... we don't know, we don't care, but by God this kills time....